If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
