Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
