This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
