I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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