Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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