Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
