And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
