Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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