She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
