I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
