i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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