she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All I want is dick and wine.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
