I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
