see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
