Fuck appropriateness.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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