i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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