Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
