.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
