your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will pee on everything he values.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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