you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
