At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
