We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
