Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
