Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
