I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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