oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so let's talk penis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
