wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
