i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
