Apparently you make a good broom.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
