its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
