you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
