he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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