Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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