Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
