So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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