just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
