no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
