I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
