I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
