so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
