can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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