He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
