I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
