You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
