capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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