I hate all girls vehemently.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
