so let's talk penis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
