Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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