Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
