i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
