just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
