whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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