Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
