The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this will be a night to untag.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
