Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
